Stop Acting a'Fool

"Ummm wifey, do you realize you just called God a fly? Now I'm not sure but something tells me that may get you a heaven timeout!" Don't you hate it when they use your own stuff against you? I may need to explain.

I am one of "those" people who cracks inappropriate jokes at the worst possible times and then gets tickled to the point of uncontrollable laughter. There are a few that really get me and laugh inappropriately with me. I call them family; where else do you get this ability? And my friends that get me, well I will not name names to protect those that cannot claim me by blood.

Exhibit A- After my Deddy was diagnosed with esophageal cancer; he was scheduled for surgery to remove the tumor and surrounding tissue. I will not go into details but it is by no means a simple surgery and would have caused many months of painful recuperation and therapy. With that said, the pre-op appointment was probably not the place to have one of these moments. But there it was, in all of its inappropriate glory and it was all Milton’s fault. You see, Deddy had a hernia and he asked if Dr. Moran could “fix” during his surgery. Now, if you do not know where my mind went immediately then you are no John Hughes fan and we can no longer be friends. Ok, of course we can still be friends but there will be a mandatory movie night at my house a.s.a.p. There he was, Long Duck Dong, the first image to enter my mind.  And the first words to exit my mouth? “You gonna fix it so grandpa’s hyena don’t get disturbed?” Well there were two people in that room that thought that was hi-la-ri-ous and they were not my mother or the doctor. How was I supposed to know Milton would know what I was talking about and find it as funny as me? What’s that you say? He is my dad and that might be why I thought it was funny in the first place? Well, you are little late with that advice now aren’t you. I will let you know when I am no longer grounded..
What about this timeout in heaven thingie- that started with one of these inappropriate moments. I am striving for complete openness and honesty in this journey. I am going to share how it happens and not sugarcoat it. This means not making the things I think and say sanitized. I pray, a lot but it is not always in the most formal way. I have been known to start a conversation, “Really Lord? This is what you had in mind? I really liked things like they were.” So I will not be surprised if there is a chair in the corner with my name right by the entrance when I arrive at the Pearly Gates. I will still get to enter but I may have to sit a spell and think about what I have done. I know that is not how it works but saying I will get a heaven timeout forces me to stop and reevaluate what I have said and get myself back in alignment. Calling God a fly? I did no such thing. I said to dear hubby that God kept bringing me back to Operation P31 like a fly buzzing in your ear. The thought just would not go away. Crap when you put it that way, more time in the chair! Does it help that even flies are on of God’s creatures? I sure hope that chair is at least comfortable because I may be there a good long while..

Where does the journey start? The same place this blog started, my kitchen. We just got new carpeting in our den and flooring in the kitchen. Everything is in complete chaos and it is the perfect time to start. By the time the floor is in, we will have almost completely renovated our kitchen one piece at a time. This weekend I will have before and after photos. It will be an attempt at Proverbs 31:27. Fasten your seat belts; it’s going to be a bumpy journey. 